Delirium
by DustandFlames
Summary: She lives in a world where love is a disease. When you turn eighteen you get an operation. A cure. You'll never fall in love. But then Elena meets Damon. And everything changes.
1. Evaluation Day, Part 1

So this is based on the book Delirium by Lauren Oliver. The characters are from TVD. Everyone is human.. and yeah. The plot does not follow the book or the series. I do NOT own the vampire diaries . Well, in my dreams I do...

Eighteen years.

I've been waiting for this day since eighteen years. My Evaluation Day.

The day of all days. The day that will change my whole life. The day that will be responsible for my future. Well, the answers I give will be responsible for that. Still. This day will change everything. After today, my whole history will mean nothing. The last eighteen years didn't really matter. Today matters. And I will do everything to make sure this day is worth remembering.

I've literally waited for this day my entire life. Back in the old days , before the cure, people waited for love. They practically waited for death. Pretty pathetic if you ask me. I don't know why it took so long to invent the cure. I just know it did. Sure, they had to test it. They had to find people who volunteered to test it. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it didn't. Sometimes they died.

But today, the cure is completely safe. And after the cure, I'll be safe from "it" forever

Amor deliria nervosa. The cure is all I ever wanted. I mean, what else could you possibly wish for?

I flip through the magazine "Evaluation – Everything you have to know.. and more" Today I'll get asked a lot of questions. And I'm planning to answer everything perfectly correct.

The interviewers are gonna aske me all those questions, so they can match me with a partner. I like this idea. It's all so organized. There's some clever thought behind that. There has to be.

I read all the things I already know. What I should answer to questions like: "What's your favourite colour, and why?" "And could you tell us about your favourite book please?". I am going to give save answers. Answers that won't have anything to do with the deliria or any symptoms of it. Sitting here on the chair in the living room feels so comfortable. I feel home. In a few hours my aunt Jenna will take my to the labors. I will wear nothing but a transparen long shirt in front of the interviewers. So they can see every part of me. Every tiny mistake about myself. Every secret I try to hide. It's scary. I lift the my head when the front door opens. Jenna is here. Jenna was always here. Always there for me. After my parents died, she was the only I had left. My brother spends the days in his room, not talking to me. Not even looking at me. It pains me. But after this summer, after my operation, after the cure, the pain will be gone.

"Elena, what are you doing? We have to leave in an hour! You're hair is a mess and…"

She stops talking. Places the bags from the grocery store on the ground and moves closer to me. I narrow my eyebrows , I don't know what she's up to. Her nose touches my shirt and she sniffles.

"When was the last time you had a shower ?"

"Jenna, don't do that. I showered yesterday"

"Well, you're nervous. You sweat. So, go upstairs now and shower. Or do you want the interviewers to smell your fear? They're going to think you're a coward. And trust me, you don't want that"

I sigh , roll my eyes, but go upstairs. Jenna is always right., she makes the right decisions. Because she's cured. I go into the bathroom and look in the big mirror. My hair is a mess, indeed. I shower quickly and take the vanilla-strawberry shampoo. My favourite one. I feel fresh. I feel comfortable. And I have to feel comfortable if I want to make a good impression. I take a towel put it around my body. The door knocks

"Are you ready know? Please hurry up!"

"I'm ready aunt Jenna. You can come in"

"Look at you. All fresh and shiny. That's way better. Now, let me do your hair."

She takes my arm, pulls me out of the bathroom and in my own room.

"Go sit down in front of the mirrow. Honey, please, hurry up"

. "Stop doing that"

"Doing what?"

Making all this pressure. It's not good for me, Jenna. I need to relax"

For a few seconds she's quiet.

"You can relax when I'm done with your hair". I sigh again and sit down on the chair.

She curls my hair in the most beautiful way I've ever seen. My hair shines like the sun and the curls have the perfect form.

"I tried everything in my powers to make your hair look ladylike. I hope the interviewers will notice"

I giggle.

"Jenna… what would I do without you" She puts her hands on my shoulders. Comforts me, like she always does. Like she always will. Hopefully.

"Well, your hair would probably fall out some day because you wouldn't take enough care of it"

It's the first time I see her smile today. A genuine smile. And that's rare. I can tell she's happy for me. She's happy that I'll be safe soon.

"So.. now you have to get dressed Elena."

"What's wrong with the clothes I'm wearing right now?"

"They are boring. They make you seem like you're not excited at all. Like it's just a normal day for you. A normal day to wear a white shirt and blue jeans. But we both know that this day means everything for you, right?

" "Of course it does."

And I mean that. One hundred per cent. So I ask her to leave my room so that I can get dressed. The minute she's gone I open my closet and get immediately frustrated. Nothing seems special enough for today. But I have to pick something. Eventhough I have to wear this transparent shirt at the labors anyway. I have to look pretty while I'm sitting in the waiting room at the labours. I have to look pretty when I stand outside the labors with all the other people. So I choose a orange dress. It goes perfect with my chocolate brown hair and eyes. I combine it with it simple black stilettos. The dress is not some punky orange. It's more like … the sunset. It's pretty short and cute but in some way elegant. I take one last look at the mirrow again.. Today is my day.

Jennas eyes go wide when she sees me walking down the stairs.

"Elena. You are beautiful".

"Thank you, Jenna. For everything".

Sure, Jennas words were simple.. but I guess they were honest.

"Let's hope that everything I did for you will be worth it" I gulp. My palms get sweaty again.

"Ready?"

she asks me.

No. I think

"Let's go"


	2. Evaluation Day, Part 2

**I'm back! Yes, I'm still alive! So sorry, but I was having trouble with my computer :/. Anyway, I'll just shut up and you can read chapter 2. Finally! I made it longer than the first one. Thought I'd make it up to you this way. **

**I do NOT own The Vampire Diaries or Delirium.**

* * *

My eyes hurt. The sun is high and bright. I have to squeeze my eyes to see anything. We're getting closer to the labs. The place where it's all going down. Jenna is walking right next to me. She will lead me to the labs and then go home. She won't be there to support me. She won't because if I show up there with her people will think I'm a coward, they'll think I am not able to go through the evaluation day alone. Every person there will be without their parents, cause everyone thinks the same way. We're all gonna be alone. We're all gonna be there together. And still gonna be alone.

Jenna and I are not talking. There is nothing to say. We practiced my anwers over two months. If I won't get them right now, that's my problem, not hers. This is my life. And today I start building it. I start to make it worth it. There will be about hundred people at the labs. They all start their life today. We all start to get a part of the population. Today we start and there is no way back. I wouldn't want it any other way. The heat is there all around me. Just like the pressure. How long is my evaluation going to take? The record is practically unbeatable: 4 minutes. 58 Seconds. William Shawnson. 2 years ago. 9 points out of 10. Like I said, unbeatable.

We're there. The labs. Girls and Boys standing in two queues . Only separated by the thick air. As I'm about to go through to the gate to face my future, I turn around.

"Jenna.. Thank you , again."

"Make me proud, sweetie"

Her light brown hair is shining in the sun. Her wide eyes are looking at me I can't really tell her expression. Something flickers in her eyes but before I can tell what it is, it's already gone. Replaced by a wave of sadness. Time to say goodbye.

"I'll try my best. I promise you. I'll see you later"

For just a glimpse of a second I think she is going to hug me or something. But no, that would be weird. Cureds don't do that. An embrace means caring to much. Caring to much means having passionate emotions. And passion means.. deliria. So no, she doesn't hug me.

" See you at home"

Her hand touches my right shoulder for two seconds. With a small smile on her face she turns around and walks back home. She is counting me. I can't let her down. I won't.

* * *

So I go through the gate. Some people are immediately staring at me. But as soon as they realize I am no one special they automatically turn around and continue their conversations. Boys were staring at me, too. I mean it wasn't planned or anything but… there was a red head. Wasn't he staring at me for a bit too long? No, Elena, calm down. I'm safe here. I'm at the labs. The deliria can't catch me here. I go to the left side of the big place where all the girls are wating. They are all like me. Nervous, a little flushed by the near presence of boys. Uncured boys. Babbling something with their friends. Waiting for the big moment. Now I'm searching for Caroline. Caroline Forbes, my best friend. She's here today , too. And about ten feet away from me I see a blond, curled head. Standing all alone. Waiting for someone. Waiting for me. I start giggling and move quickly to her. I call out her name

"Caroline!".

She turns her head around. Wide, dark-greenish eyes looking at me. Pink lips. A huge smile. A short bleck dress, decorated with a few feathers. Pinks Pumps. Gorgeous.

"Elena. There you are. I was waiting for you!"

Now I'm by her side. I can smell her perfume. Vanilla and Strawberry. Like usual.

I smirk. When I'm with Caroline, I always feel comfortable. I know her so well. I can talk to her and she will listen to me. I feel like I belong in this world. Like,we belong in this world as best friends.

"Sorry, I didn't see you right away. You look amazing Car'. Do I want to know how much you paid for that dress?"

" Actually, I don't know. It was a gift from my dad"

I should have known it. Carolines parents own a supermarket. There are at least 3 of those markets. Here in Portland. Their markets are placed all over America. So money surely isn't a problem.

"Well anyway, it looks great on you. So, are you excited?"

"Why wouldn't I be? Today I will stand, almost naked, infront of four strangers. And those four strangrs will decide about my future. They will decide about my sex life"

"Caroline! Ssh. Don't say…"

"Don't say what? A dangerous word like sex?"

"Yes, Car'. We're at the labs. It's our evaluation day. We've been waiting for this our entire life. Don't ruin this by.."

"By calling the truth? Sorry, Elena but you know me. You know I want to be a strong, young, independent woman. And now some total strangers are just gonna choose what's best for me"

" Well,you have influence on that choice."

"Yeah, but… I don't just want to have influence. It is my life. I should make this choice on my own"

" You know the rules Caroline. It's for the best."

"That's what they say…"

" Enough, Caroline. The government knows what it's doing. So please. Try to be excited. For me."

I look at her with my big brown eyes and pout. And while I'm trying to convince her I can't believe what she just said. How could she? Where did that come from? Soon, this will all be over.

"Fine. But only because you asked me"

Right after that, the door of the labs opens. A woman with black hair and a skin as black as chocolat opens the door. She is dressed like a nurse.

She looks from left to right and then says:

" The interviewers are ready now. Just stay in your queues and come to me and my assistant. Here you'll get your formulars. Please fill them out honestly. After that, take a seat in the waiting room, follow the instructions and wait until the interviewers call out your name. Thank you".

Finally, I think. The queue moves slowly forward to the door. Car and I are doing small talk. Three girls left before me. Two. It's Carolines turn. The nurse passes her the papers. Before Caroline disappears in the building, she turns around and faces me. One teat escapes her eye.

The she turns her back to me and I'm next.

* * *

One tear. That's all I'm thinking about while I'm sitting in the waiting room. Why was she crying? Was she.. happy? Maybe it wasn't even about me or evaluation day at all. Maybe she's got trouble at home or at school. What is wrong with Caroline?

I fill out the papers. Birth date.. name.. school. The regular things. Nothing special.

Then the nurse from outside appears infront of me.

"I see you're ready. Come on. You're next".

I nod. I gulp. And I follow her. She asks me to pass her the papers and I do as she says. We're taking the elevator and go to the third floor. We're walking straight ahead and after about two minutes turn right, and short after that she leads me left. She opens a door for me.

"Good luck"

I'm about to say thank you but she is already gone. How many times has she said "Good luck" today? Poor woman. But at least, she already found a place in her life. I'm about to find mine soon.

So I am left in patients room. It smells chemical. There is a chair and a water bottle on a desk. The transparent shirt is placed on the chair. I don't want to wear it. But I have to "follow the instructions." I sigh and start to get undressed. I place my dress on the chair and put my shoes right under the chair. Then I'm putting on the shirt. There is no mirror in here. But I know my white bra and pantys are visible.

Suddenly, a voice calls: "Elena Gilbert. Please come into the interview room."

Scared, I turn around.

I see that there is a microphone placed in the left corner of the room.

"Do you guys wanna give me a heart attack or something? Gosh.." Immediately I'm blushing. Can they hear what I'm saying? I hope not.

I bite my lower lip and open the door to the interviewer room.

* * *

My eyes hurt again. The whole room is white. Everything is reflecting and clear. A painfull whiteness.

I can barely make out four persons, not far away from me. They're sitting on a –wooden?- table. I can only guess that the second one is a man. I think I can see his beard. The fourth one could be a woman, a very thin person. I can't tell if the two others are male or female. And maybe that's the point. So I don't get distracted or anything.

Should I introduce myself? Should I shake their hands? I am so nervous. I have to remember to breathe. In and out, In and out…

"Hello Elena Gilbert. Welcome. We are going to ask you a few questions now. No need to be nervous. Just be honest, okay?"

That was the first interviewer, a high voice. A woman.

I nod,but I don't know if they have seen it.

"Yes, of course". I answer, just to be sure.

"Great. Let's just start. What is your favourite colour? "

"White"

"Why?"

You know that, Elena.

"It is simple. But it also organized and clear."

"Alright. Then could you tell us about your favourite meal?"

"Rice"

"Why?"

"It is healthy and everyone can eat and buy it. It is cheap, but has a great quality. It is simple, but can be matched with different kinds of food!

" I see. And how about your favourite movie?"

I should say "Romeo and Juliet" right now. Because it shows us what the deliria can do to people. Everyone should read it because it's like a warning. It shows the stupidity of uncureds. But I can't get it out. I think about uncureds and because of that I think about my mother. And when I think about my mother I think about my childhood. She died when I was 4. But even when I was like three years old we used to wach "Snow White"together. I don't know how my mother owned that movie or why. It is full of illegal things and I shouldn't even think about it. It is inappropriate. But the fact is: It is my favourite movie.

"Snow White".

There is an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds. How can I save this situation?

"Pardon me?" That's the third one, a man.

I know I screwed up. I can't fix this. Sorry Jenna.

"Snow White" I repeat myself. Why? Stupid, Stupid, Stupid…

"Can you explain why?"

"I… It just shows that... Deliria .. is like a poisoned apple" What the hell am I talking about?

"We don't get that answer very often".

I don't know what to respond to that. And it doesn't really matter anymore. I failed.

And then.. I hear something .. like humming. What is going on? Am I halluzinating or something? But no, the interviewers start asking the same questions

"What is this?"

"Should I call the security?"

"This is so disturbing!"

Then it happens. The whole area aboth us breaks apart. Everywhere is glass, metal, plastic. Screaming.I don't know what's going on. There are gun shots. Something hits me on my head and I stumble and fall. I bite my tongue. There is the taste of blood in my mouth. Then there's the humming again. Suddenly, there are balloons coming down to us. I try to understand what's happening but I don't even get the chance to. Cause now gunshots follow again. But they're not trying to shoot us. They're shooting the balloons. Why? As soon as the balloons pop open the humming gets even louder. There are bees in the balloons. They're everywhere now. I start screaming, too. The interviewers are running around like crazy persons. A bee attacks me at my neck. Damn, that hurt! Another one at my leg. Ouch! What's happening? Why? Who would…? Just as I start thinking about it a piece of a broken ballon lands in front on my feet. It's green and there's something written on it.

"We are already free. You can be free, too. It is your choice"

Now I get it. That's the Invalids fault. The Invalids are those who refuse to be cured. They escape somewhere where the government can't find them. They are uncured, aggressive and dangerous. Like wild animals.

But in their opinion, we are the animals. We are the bees, we don't make our own decisions. We are prisoners. We live in a balloon. And they try to help us. Try to set us free.

I lift my head. I've never seen any Invalids.

But there's just chaos. I try to stand up, my knees hurt . And then, there on the obeservation deck. There is a guy. Laughing. Watching the scene. Black hair. Leather jacket.

Why is he laughing? How can he be proud of this?

Then he looks at me. Eyes staring at me. Not wild like an animal. Clear and blue as the ocean.

And he smirks at me. I just stand there. Not knowing what to do. He is not staring at me, is he?

Something else hits me on the head again. I drop to the ground. Unconscious.

_It's my life. I should make this choice on my own. _

_You can be free, too. It is your choice. _

The thing is: I don't want the choice. I just want to be safe.

* * *

**Liked it? Hated it? I really don't know what to think about this chapter... **

**I know you guys want Damon to come in. He kind of did. And kind of didn't **

**I think there will be some Delena action next chapter. **

**So, please review. I want to get at least 5 reviews. ;) Make my day **


	3. What is going on ?

**It's me again ;) You gave me such wonderful reviews yesterday. Thanks a lot. I was so happy. So I decided to give you another chapter. I really like writing this story and I hope you'll enjoy yourself while reading this. There will be a tiny bit Delena in this one. Tiny bit. I don't want to rush anything :P. So, here you go guys: **

**I do NOT own The Vampire Diaries or Delirium. If I did they would have both ended VERY differently. They would have not broken my heart into million pieces. Just saying.**

* * *

There is nothing more than pain. Pain when I sit up. Pain in my head. Pain in my dreams. Pain in my thoughts. Pain that just won't go away.

It's been almost a week since my evaluation day. The things I told my interviewrs, my answers, they are not counting. Because of the incident –that's what they call it in the News- everyone will have their evaluation day in two weeks again. Everyone will get a second chance without the incident. I have not told Jenna about my answers. But I can only imagine her disappointment. Tears of anger running down her face. It's haunting me all the time. But I've got another chance. Another chance to make it right. Another chance to do the right thing. Another chance to answer "Romeo & Juliet".

After I lost consciousness, I was brought to the hospital. There was nothing wrong with me. No sign of a concussion. They said a piece of metal hit my head.. They said it was stress. But they never mentioned the Invalids. They never mentioned the balloons. They never mentioned the bees. I haven't mentioned them either. Maybe it was just a halluzination. Maybe I was dreaming about it. But as I get up and stretch myself I notice the place on my neck where the bee attacked me. Then there is the other one at my leg. Two red swollen points. Reminding me that I did not dream. It was real. And so was the boy. They boy I've been trying so hard not to think about. Actually there is not much to think about. I don't even know his name. I don't want to know his name. This is not right. I have to stop this right now.

I walk to the bathroom. I feel dirty. Even thinking about a guy. I'll never do this again. I take and icy shower. The water all over my body and my hair. It takes the dirty feeling away. Makes me feel fresh and new. Like evaluation day never happened. The universe gives me another chance to do this the right way. No one is going to ruin this. I won't be the one to ruin this. After I'm done I'm walking downstairs to the kitchen. Jenna is making coffee. Her husband, Alaric, is sitting in his favourite chair, eating his french toast, reading the newspapers. My brother is not here. Not that I thought he would be, because he never eats breakfast with us. But sometimes I feel like .. I just need him. I feel like I failed him. He is sixteen years old. I should take care of him. But he won't let me.

"Hey, good morning. I made you coffe. What do you wanna eat?" I would really like to see Jenna smile more often. Her life is so great. She's got a great husband. A great house. Sometimes I just don't get it. I would do anything to have her life.

"Morning. I'll just go for the cereal." Jenna nods and places the coffee at the place right next to Alaric. He doesn't even notice. He won't look away from the newspapers. Is there something special today? I grab a bowl, milk and the cereal package and sit down next to him.

" Reading anything interesting?" He still won't answer me. "Alaric?"

"What?" He finally realized I'm talking to him. He is looking at me with wide eyes. There has to be something wrong.

"You okay? I was just curious if … there is anything special in the news today."

" I'm okay. It's just that they're writing about the incident again" I'm speechless. I thought that would be done. They just said that the labs are very old buildings and several areas just … broke down. What is there to write about?

"Well.. what exactly is it about?"

"Some people think this whole thing was planned. And you know I helped preparing the labs for the evaluation day this year." Yes, I do know. Alaric does a lot of things like that. Preparing hospitals for famous people, decorating the malls for christmas. But what is he trying to say?

"Yeah, you told me about that"

"So some of those people thing I was part of this plan. Bu t there wasn't even a plan. Who would plan something like this?" His eyes look worried. He grips his brown hair with his hands. He's desperate.

"Look. In a week or maybe two, no one will think about this anymore. You're a good person. And I believe you. Okay?" Alaric is like the most selfless person I have ever met. He wouldn't even thnk about stuff like this.

"You're right. I just need to clear my head. I'll go for a walk" I smile at him. He doesn't deserve this. How could people think like this about him? He leaves the table, tells Jenna he's going out and grabs his sunglasses before he leaves the house.

I tell myself I'm right. No one will think about this anymore. I won't think about what happened. They say when you're infected you can't pretend to be healthy. But I'm not infected. I can pretend like this never happened. I can pretend to be happy and just go for a walk.

* * *

The sun is warm this morning. There are kids on the street playing soccer or basketball. I've never been like this. This happy. I never had a real childhood. I never had real parents. I only got one person to live and be strong for: Jeremy. And I failed at this one thing I was trying to be good at. The one thing that mattered to me. How did this happen? I hope that after Jeremys cure we will be happy. We will smile at eachother and forget the past. Cause only the future matters for us. Because of the cure, we can start new. Be someone new.

I dedice I'll just go to the parc and hang out a bit. I think about stopping by at Carolines house. But since the evaluation day she's been ignoring my calls. I'm really worried about her. Maybe she just needs some space.

I sit down on a bank. A big oak is offering me a comfortable shadow. The scenery is amazing. Purple, red and yellow flowers everywhere. The air smells like water and berrys. And maybe even a little ice cream. Kids are enjoying themselves at the playground. Laughing. It's beautiful. And I wish I could just freeze this moment. Nothing bad would ever happen. But this is real life. Bad things do happen. A regulator has just arrived at parc. He is controlling ID cards. And I'm nervous. Why am I nervous? I have nothing to hide. My ID card is right in the pocket of my shirts. Then it hits me. The regulator. Black hair. Blue eyes. The guy from the observation deck.

How is this possible? Is he..? Was he wearing the regulator uniform at my evaluation day? I don't even know. I was so distracted by his eyes. So blue.. Focus, Elena ! Maybe he just looks similar to the guy? But no, those eyes. I would recognize them everywhere. He is coming closer. Is he going to talk to me? Why am I so nervous? He keeps coming closer. And as he is standing about five feet away from me I can finally see the scar near by his left ear. Thank God. The scar – in form of a triangle – everyone gets after the operation is done. After the cure. A sign of safety. I'm safe around him. He is just a normal regulator. Nothing to worry about.

He is at my side.

" Hello. Could I see your ID card, please?"

"Of course." My fingers are clumsy. I'm still nervous. My palms are sweaty. It feels like an hour until I finally get out my ID card and pass it to him. For just a second our hands touch. Nice, soft hands. Pretty warm. Why am I even thinking about this?

" Thank you." He looks at the ID card for about half a minute. Then he smirks. Why is he smirking? What's going on here? Someone help me please, before I faint. That's the smile I saw at evaluation day.

" Everything seems alright. Enjoy your day. Miss Gilbert" He passes me my card and smirks again. His eyes meet mine for a moment. He smells like expensive cologne. Very fresh. Then he turns around and walks away. Asking an old man about his card. Like nothing special happened. And there was nothing special. Nothing to think or talk about. Right? My card is still in my hand. I hold on to it. I want to realize what just happened. I want to know who he is. I want to know if he was the guy at the observation deck. But he is already far away from me. And I'm left without answers. Too shy to run after him and get my answers. I never talked to a guy. Nothing personal at least. It is dangerous. I don't want to risk anything. But I don't want to be here left alone… and with a piece of paper in my hand? Yes, I can feel it. I open my hand quickly. There is my card and a piece of paper. My heart pounds heavily in my chest. I narrow my eyebrows. He wrote numbers on the paper. What is this? A secret code or something? Then I get it. It's his phone number. 854221399 Nine numbers. Nine numbers making my heartbeat increase even more.

I really don't know what's going on. To be honest, I'm scared. What does he want from me? But why am I scared? He's cured. What could he possibly want from me? And then there is this tiny place inside of me. A tiny feeling that I won't allow to come out. A part of me is excited.

I have to go home. I just .. have to distract myself. I'll just help Jenna with the dishes or clean up my room. Maybe I'll just take another shower again. But I don't feel dirty. I should feel dirty. I promised myself not to think about this guy anymore. Why don't I feel dirty? I feel like.. I'm covered in sunshine and roses. Like something really good happened to me. Like a birthday present or something. Like a thing you always wanted in your life. But none of that happened. Then why do I feel like that?

* * *

I'm on my way home. I need to do normal things now. I need to see that my life is still normal. I arrive at our house and open the door. Jenna is sitting in the living room. Reading some magazine. She lifts her head as the door falls closed behind me.

"Hey, I see you're back" I don't answer right away. And she notices.

"You okay? You seem.. confused." That's because I am confused, Jenna.

"Umm. I'm okay. Where is Jeremy? I have to the change the subject. A smile spreads across Jennas face. Now I'm even more confused.

"You won't believe this. About an hour ago he just came down the stairs, took an apple and told me he would spend the day at the beach with his friends. Isn't that great?"

I should be really,really happy right now. But I just can't shake this weird feeling off. I feel like something is very wrong here. But I don't say anything like that. Jenna seems so relieved. I'll be happy for her.

"That's amazing. I just came home to .. tell you I would visit Caroline. I'll be having lunch at her place. But I'll be back for dinner. Is that okay?" I need to talk to Caroline. About.. everything. About evaluation. About her tear. About that regulator guy. If I don't tell her, I feel like I'm going to explode. And she will understand. If anyone understands that, it's her. She won't call me crazy or anything. Hopefully.

"Sure. Have fun". I nod at her and leave again.

* * *

Caroline lives in the better area of Portland. She will have a better future. She will have a better partner. She will go to a better university. She'll just have a better life. And that's okay. No one said that world was fair. Everything and everyone needs its place in the world. And you can either accept that and try to make the best out of it or you can sit alone in the corner and cry.

I'm at her house now. A beautiful house. Painted in a green colour. It reminds me of the first morning in spring when you get up and see the trees. Full of life. The hosue has a big garden full of old trees and roses. Caroline even has a dog. A really rare thing. She's the only person I know with a pet. I'm walking up the three stairs to the door. I use the door bell. No one answers. Maybe she hasn't heard me. Car's parents should be working right now. I try again. Still no reaction. I decide to knock now.

"Caroline? Are you at home?" No one answers me.

Then I notice the door is open. Why would it be open? Did she expect me to come and talk to her about our conversation at evaluation day? Or did she expect any other visit? Maybe her uncle from New York is here for a visit. I hesitate. Should I just walk in? What if she doesn't want me here right now? What if I'm disturbing anything? Maybe she's not even here. She's probably enjoying the day outside like everybody else. But I need to try. I need to talk to her.

I sigh. Then I open the door and go inside. There is nothing wrong or nothing special. Just the big floor. Jackets on the left sides. Shoes on the right side. Next to the place for Carolines beautiful designer bags. I want to go to Carolines room and see if she's there. But then I hear her talking. With someone else. A male voice. So I was right. Her uncle is here. She mentioned his visit a few weeks ago. I decide to say hello . The voices are coming from the living room. When I open the door to the room nothing makes sense anymore.

"Jeremy, what are you doing here?"

* * *

**I decided to end this with a cliffhanger :). Sorry guys. **

**I really hoped this chapter went out well. To be honest, I'm pretty proud of it.. **

**Anyway, I have a few questions for you:**

**1. Is it okay I brought Alaric in? Or should I have picked just any random guy? **

**2. There will be a girltalk next chapter. I will combine it with a movie night. What movie would you like Caroline and Elena to watch. Let me know and I'll pick one of your choices ;) And I'll mention your name in my note :)**

**3. Should I introduce Liz, Carolines mother ? **

**Okay, guys. Thank you for reading. And I can't wait to read your answers and AMAZING thoughts. **

**Wanna make me happy? Click the review button. Yep , right there. Wanna make me VERY happy? At least 15 reviews would be great :D**


	4. Feelings

**Hello my lovely readers ;) **

**I've got another chapter for you. I was busy with school the whole last week and i wasn't really in writing mood. And I want this story to be good so I won't just give you a crappy chapter. But this chapter is finished and worked out. Enjoy! **

**I do NOT own The Vampire Diaries or Delirium. If I did, there would be a happy ending.**

**Special thanks to OzeraGirl because she proposed the wonderful movie Titanic :)  
**

* * *

The human brain is kind of creepy. It seems to remember only the bad memories. It seems to bring up the history. If you like it or not. It can bring up memories you didn't even know you had. It seems to concentrate and focus on things you don't even want to see. Don't even want to imagine. And it can make reality seem like a blur. Pieces of pictures. A boy and a girl. Sitting on the couch. Laughing. Drinking hot chocolate. My brother. My best friend. In one room. Together.

* * *

"Elena. What are you doing here?" They're looking at me. Wide eyes. Filled with surprise and fear. They're looking at me like I'm the crazy one here.

"What I'm doing here? How can you ask me that Jeremy? What the hell are you doing here?" Actually, I'm scared to find out that answer. What if… what if he catched the disease. What if Caroline has been sick all this time. What's going to happen? I don't even want to think about it.

"Look, Elena. … "

"Caroline. Don't you dare talk to me right now. Jeremy. What is going on here? " I'm screaing. I have no control over my emotions. And for a moment I think I can feel a tear running down my cheek. This. This is awful. This is a nightmare. And there's no way to escape it. This is a black hole. There are two options. Run or die.

"It's not what you think it is. Car and I… we're just friends. I know it's kind of… illegal or something but.. There's nothing romantic going on here. We're friends. And yes, a boy and a girl can be friends. We're just hanging out watching movies, reading some magazines, drinking and talking about stuff. There's nothing wrong with that" Okay, relax Elena. At least they're not… dating. They're healthy and just friends. Friends just like you and Caroline. Everything is fine. But what if he's lying. What if they're trying to deny the disease? That's wha uncured, diseased people do.

"Jeremy.. Are you telling the truth? There is nothing going on here? Nothing that illegal?" Girls and boys shouldn't hang out as friends. It's too dangerous. Someone could gef infected. Someone could end up dead.

"Of course I'm telling the truth. I'm your brother Elena, you can trust me. We're family. I'd never lie to you. And Caroline is your best friend. We didn't mean to hurt you or do something behind your back. We just didn't know how to tell you. Cause we know how you think about .. being infected and your opinion about the cure."

"What do you mean "my opinion about the cure" There are no different opinions about the cure. The cure is safety. There can't be any other opinions about that." Again, I feel like I'm an animal. Standing in the circus. People watching me. Laughing at me. Laughing about me. Sparkle in their eyes. Mixed with something else. Pity. Then I look they're faces.. They don't understand.

"At least there shouldn't be…" I turn away from them. I can't handle that situation. I wasn't prepared for that. The cure is safety . Safety is health. Health is happieness. And happieness is a regulated, good life. What is wrong about that? Can't they say that it's all perfect? That the regulators and doctors just want to help us? That they're trying to avoid situations like that. Situations of embarrassment and missunderstanding.

A hand suddenly touches my shoulder. I sigh and turn around. Caroline is looking at me Her mouth is open. She wants to say something. But I guess she's out of words, too.

"Elena. I should have told you. I never ment to .. betray you or keep secrets. But I hope you understand. How about we talk tonight. You can stay here. We're making a slumber. We can watch a movie and.. talk." Her eyes start to get a bit teary. That's why I came here right? To talk to her.

"Okay. But you won't try to change the subject or avoide this conversation. Got it?" My tone is a bit harsh but I just can't help it. She just smiles and nodds. Finally, a tear is escaping her eyes. Just like at evaluation day.

This time I'm the one who leaves. Jeremy follows me.

So, Caroline obviously made a choice. But how will I deal with that?

* * *

The rest of day passes by. Jeremy doesn't talk to me. I don't talk to him. I smile at Jenna at Alaric.. I disappear in my room. And when you're all alone in an empty room and you've got nothing to do, nothing do deal with. You just start thinking. About things that are totally irrelevant. Things like… Who actually invented the chair? Who was the first person to swim in the ocean? You'll probably never get any answers. And honestly. I don't care. And then your thoughts reach the complicated area again. _The cure_. Hundreds of facts. Thomas Silvermaster invented the cure about hundred years ago. His wife left him. His father punished him. His mother died when he was a little kid. He never met his sister because he was thrown out when he was seventeen. He had no family. He had no life. But he wanted to have one. So badly. He just wanted to take the pain out of life. He did a lot of research. And let's face it, a lot of people are unhappy because of _it._ Amor deliria nervosa. People committing suicide because of their partners, their family members, people they care about. He decided to find a cure. And he did. He was the first person to get the cure. Doctors filmed the procedure. I've seen the clip million times. They cut you're head open. They cut out the part of your brain that is responsible for the deliria. After that, they make sure nothing will get infected, they close the wound. And, tada ! Cured. Safe. Happy. Three simple steps. Cut, clean, close. Those three steps save lifes. They will safe my life.

* * *

The human brain seems to be capable of changing hours into seconds and seconds into hours. That can be very fortunate or very, very much unfortunate. Of coure you can't decide that.

* * *

It's about ten o'clock. It's already pretty dark outside. I'm on my way to Hanas house again. Soon, it will be evaluation day all over again. After that, we'll get our matches. Our future partners. They don't just select them because of your interests or answers. You're way of living plays an important role. The government won't admit it, though. It seems unfair. I won't complain about it. Sooner or later, you'll have to accept your faith anyway. Hana will probably marry some rich guy. Some guy who owns a bank. Some guy who is a designer or maybe even an acter. Or a writer. Someone meaningful, someone important. Someone who deserves a rich girl like Hana.

I'm ringing the bell. Now, she answers immediately. She's at the door. Smiling at me with her locked, messy hair. Her orange and pink pyjama shirt and shorts. I've brought mine in a bag.

"Hey. I'm so, so, so glad you're here. I was worried that…" That I wouldn't come. Yes. I've thought about that, too. But I want to have my answers. I need my answers.

"Well. I'm here." I smile at her. I don't want to be angry with her. She's my friend and she's just human, like me. We screw up. We make mistakes. But we're also capable of forgiving.

As I enter the house I can already smell sweet, buttery popcorn. Delicious. Caroline just knows how to make a great atmosphere. Sometimes, she really is a genius.

"So.. are we watching the movie in the living room or in your room?" I hope we'll use her room. She's got that big, comfy bed. I always feel like a princess when sink into it.

" We'll go upstairs in my room. You know I got the better Tv. How about you go to the bathroom and change your clothes? I'll prepare everything and than.. we can start girls night" I nod. I'm happy. And she looks happy, too. We haven't done a slumber in ages. And I missed it. I missed having her as my best friends. The last few weeks were all about evaluation and right now, I'm just happy to be here with Caroline Forbes. My best friend.

I change quickly into my yellow-pink shirt and shorts and walk upstairs. Again I can smell the popcorn. I enter the room. Car has a big smile on her face. And I notice, I'm genuinely smiling, too.

"Girls night can start. What are we watching Car?"

"Well.. I thought about something different. Something special." She picks up the Dvd and holds it up. My jaw drops.

"Titanic. Titanic? Are you kidding me? This is illegal. That's like.. number two of the most illegal movies ever Caroline!… How… how do you even have that?" Is she serious? We can't watch a deliria story. I won't. That's sick.

"Chill. It's a brilliant movie. My dad knows people know know people who know people and those people gave it to me. Come on. You'll love it Elena!" I gasp. _Love. _I've never said it. Ever I've only heard it about two times before. It's a dirty word. It's wrong.

"Caroline…" She looks at me with her big eyes. And I want to know what's going on in her head. I want to understand. She obviously isn't the same Caroline anymore. She developed this new part of her life. And somehow I want to be part of it.

"Okay. You know 'll watch it" She giggles and clasps her hands. She walks to the Dvd player and dances her little victory dance.

"I promise, it's good. Really, really, really good. " Her eyes are still bright and full of excitement. I'm scared though. I've never watched a illegal movie. But I'll just give it a shot. For her.

* * *

The human brain seemed to work in a total different way back in those days. Rose falls for Jack immediately. And after a while, she seems so happy. Like she was born to meet him. The human brain seemed to be less concerned back in those days. The human brain seemed to not care abouth the deliria. And the people still looked happy.

* * *

The ship goes down. Dead people everywhere. Emotional confessions. Rescue at the last second. And at the screen goes black I find myself crying. I don't even know why. All I know is that for some weird reason I am glad I watched that movie. Caroline is crying , too. And then.. I just hug her. And she hugs me back. It feels great to have her close. It's great to feel that she trusts me and is not afraid to show her emotions. I thought I lost her today. I thought she was infected.I realise now that, I wasn't even mad. I was scared.

After a couple of minutes we break apart. Out eyes still watery. We exchange smiles and suddenly, it's like we're twelve all over again.

"Elena. We can talk about it now…" She's right we should talk about now. But somehow I no longer have any desire to discuss that.

"I know you would never lie to me. And I know you're not infected. I know you're just my brothers friend. I also know it's not right. But it seems right for you. And if it's right for you.. I can't stand in your way." There . I said it. I finally said what I truly think. I can't take it back. And it feels amazing.

"Thank you." She sobs. "I know I can count on you." We decide to hug again. And it feels so right to support her. I will keep this my secret. I won't tell anyone about Jer and Car. Not just because I'm her friend and he's my brother. I won't tell anyone because.. it feels like it's the right thing to do.

She pulls away from me.

"But now.. tell me about you. How have you been dealing with everything lately? With evaluation.. and ..?

"And what?" I'm confused now. I have absolutely no clue where this conversation is going.

"Jeremy said you seemed different. Like.. I don't know.. something happened. Like you met someone". I'm speechless. I was not prepared for that. And… Jeremy could tell that… I met someone. He could tell I was thinking about the blue eyed stranger almost every single minute? Is it that obvious? And what exactly is obvious.. I mean I don't even know him.

"I.. I.. There was that .. boy at evaluation day. Het turned out to be a regulator" I decide not to tell her about the fact that he was laughing while there where people shooting and bees flying around. I still don't know what that means, either. Either way, it's not important

"And…?" Caroline raises her eyebrows. She expects me to say something. She expects that something happened. But beside that .. feeling I have in my stomach everytime he crosses my mind.. Nothing did happen.

"And.. he controlled my ID card. And… he gave me.. his phone number". Great Elena. Just great. Caroline won't let you get away with that. Perfect.

"Oh my gosh! How cute! Have you called him!" There it feeling in my stomach. I don't want to think about it. _Butterflies. _

"No. Of course not." _But I want to. I want to hear his voice again that said "Miss Gilbert". _

"You're blushing Elena. Do you have his number here with you ? " What exactly is she trying to say?

"Yeah.. it's in my bag.. But…" I don't get to finish that sentence. She already stands up and walks trough the door. Two minutes later she returns with a piece of paper in her hand. His number.

"Then how about you call him right now and whisper him a goodnight wish?" I gulp.

"I .. I can't. I mean.. I don't know him. I don't know his name. I don't know what he wants from me." I can't do this. _Please. Caroline.. just let it go. _

Well he obviously wants you to call him. But since you're all shy and prude.. how about you text him? I burrow you my phone." I can't escape this situation. I can't make it better or more comfortable. I can just give in.

"Fine". She passes me her phone and I start typing.

**Hello, **

**I'm sorry if I'm disturbing you but you gave me your number and I just decided to write you. **

**Nothing special actually. **

**So just answer me if you want to. **

**Elena. **

Send.

Caroline giggles like a little child and mumbles something about "how romantic" this is. I can't focus on her. I'm shaking. I'm breathing heavily and the feeling returns. Half an hour passes, no answer. We dedide to go to bed.

* * *

The human brain seems to control everything. You're movements You're thoughts. You're feelings. It won't let you deny anything. On the outside, you can pretend, yes. You can put on an act. But deep down you know the truth. I know the truth. I just don't know the feelings I have for him.

* * *

And then, out of nowhere, the phone buzzes. Caroline is already asleep and I reach for it.

**Hey, **

**You're not disturbing. To be honest, your message was the best thing that happened to me today. **

**I hope this message won't disturb you beauty sleep though. Not that you need any kind of beauty sleep but.. still. **

**How about we talk tommorow? **

**Damon. **

* * *

**I had a really hard time with that chapter. I needed to solve this Caroline/Jeremy thing in a nice way.  
And I really wanted to explain this Deliria thing a bit deeper. But I also wanted to write about Caroline/Elena and their friendship. Cause friendship is importan ;) But I didn't want to leave Damon out completely . So you got a bit of him at the end :)  
**

**Thank you again, for your reviews. They make me so happy. So.. you know how to make me as happy as Damon was after he kissed Elena. Just review :D.  
**


	5. Life can change in an instant

**Hey! **

**I just finished chapter five for you guys ;) Just a few words before it starts: **

**It took me quite a while to write this, because i didn't get _that_ many reviews. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate every single one of your reviews. Thank you also for the alerts! Makes me incredibly happy. I would hug you all if I could :D. **

**So, chapter five... Delena- centered. You've been waiting long enough, I think ;)**

**I do not own The Vampire Diaries or Delirium. That's a fact. But.. a girl can still dream right?**

* * *

Damon. Five letters. My last thoughts before I fall asleep. But they keep following me in my dreams. His soft voice. His blue eyes. His warm skin. I should be scared of feeling that way, of thinking about a boy, a man, the entire time. But it feels so good. It feels comfortbale. Everytime he crosses my mind I feel protected. I feel home. And I don't want to give that up. I don't want to let this feeling go.

When I wake up the sun is tickling my nose. Featherlike touches. And I can see the trees outside the window. Beautifully green. Moving with the summer breeze. No clouds in the perfect blue sky. I want to spend time just watching the scenery… but there is something else in my mind. Someone else. If I don't hear his voice again none of this matters. I need to hear his voice. Now.

I leave Caroline a note, writing down some excuse. As fast as possible I grab my bag, change my clothes in the bathing room and run down the stairs. The thick summer air hits me immediately. But I don't care. I just keep running til I'm at Jennas house. I grab my key and unlock the door. I don't even know what time it is. I don't even know if I accidentally bumped into someone on my way back here. Cause all my thoughts, all my movements, have only one goal. Calling him. There is no one in the living room or the kitchen. It's quiet everywhere. So I guess I woke up pretty early. I quickly pour down a glass of water – because I'm afraid my voice will break down – and hurry up into my room. I turn on the light and search for my phone. Ha, got it! Finally! I start typing his number. The number I know by heart now because I was staring at it for about half an hour yesterday. And then I call him. Just like that. And I can't breathe anymore. And my hands get sweaty. And I think I'm going to lose consciousness. What if he is still sleeping? What if he is going to ignore my call? He doesn't know my number. I used Cares phone yesterday. And what am I supposed to say anyway?

"Yes?" His voice. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. What do I answer?

"Hello? Anyone there?" Yes, yes! Me! But I don't know what to say !

"Fine. Screw y-"

"No! It's Elena". Wow. I finally was able to get out my name. Good progress.

"Well, good morning beautiful. How are you doing this morning?" The tone in his voice has changed. He's not sleepy or grumpy anymore. It's more… seductive. And he just called me beautiful. And I really need to say something now.

"I'm doing just fine. And what about you?" Yes, two full sentences! I'm getting better at this.

" Me too. Hearing your voice somehow makes my morning even better." What am I supposed to answer to that? Is he doing that on purpose? Making me nervous?

"So, Elena… you obviously decided to call me. Does this mean your begging for some Damon-time?" I need to chuckle. I chuckle until I realise what he is doing. _Flirting. _Illegal activity. How could this be illegal? It feels so right. So good. And I already started it. So now I might as well continue. Doesn't sound so bad to me.

"You were the one giving me your number in the first place. So I would say you are desperate for some Elena-time. Correct me if I'm wrong." Where did that come from?

"Oh, you are certainly right. But of course a man like me would never admit that. At least not in public." I can only imagine his smirk right now. And I'm smirking, too. Somehow, he makes me smile.

"That means you want to meet somwhere out of public?" In a weird way, I'm totally okay with that. I mean.. being alone with a guy like Damon. There won't happen anything bad or remotely naughty. And I'm starting to get really sarcastic.

"Yep. How about my place. It's near the labs."

"The labs?" Images are coming back. A guy. Laughing. Staring at me. Blue eyes…

"Mhm. I live here since I've been cured. Almost.. five years now." _Cured. _Okay. Everything is okay. And still.. I can't but feel a little bit… disappointed?

" Let's say we meet at my place. And then we can just take a walk, eat ice cream, talk about the reasons why you decided to call me.." I can't help but laugh there again. Should I really do this? I can still stop this. I can still end the call and never talk to him again. Problem is.. I want to do this.

"Fine. I'll meet you there at … two?"

"Sounds good to me. I'll send you my adress. "

"Okay. " I'm about to disconnect the call when he says something.

"Oh and Elena?"

"Yes?"

"You should wear that orange dress again." Orange dress. Evaluation day.

"You looked amazing".

* * *

Okay. So he saw me at evaluation day. Even before I was in the interviewer room. How did he see me? How did I not notice him? Was he stalking me or something? God, Elena… Obsessed much? He probably just saw me among the other girls and just liked my dress. He is a cured regulator. He was watching the incident in the labs because he was about to help and he just wanted to check the situation first. Then he saw me and just laughed because it was such a coincidence to see me twice a day. Then he was just doing his duty in the park and met me again. He was probably just bored and wanted to talk someone. But I'm a girl. A cured one shouldn't talk to a girl.. that way. And I shouldn't talk to him. I shouldn't think of him. But I just can't help it.

* * *

Quarter past one. I'm heading out now. In the living room I meet Jenna.

"Hey. Where are you going ? I haven't seen you all day." Yep, I locked myself in my room. I felt like I was going insane. Some crazy mental hospital patient. Thinking of him over and over again.

"Yeah… I wasn't feeling so well. I'll just take a walk, enjoy the breeze at the sea." I'm getting better at lying. I'm getting better at keeping secrets. But the enjoying part wasn't a lie actually….

"Okay. Have fun." I will. I definitely will. I start to think naughty again. Awesome.

"Thanks. See you later".

He send me his adress earlier. It will take me about half an hour to get there. As I follow the instructions he gave me to get there I feel like a little child. Searching for some imaginary treasure in the woods. The kind of treasure has changed a lot, though. But it's true. The phonecall has made my day golden. It made my heart golden. Golden and soft. Something that should have never happened.

Then I'm there. A light grey house. Modern. Nice.

And of course I feel nervous again. And I'm hot. So incredibly hot. And I don't think that's because of the weather. But let's just pretend like it is.

I'm not wearing my orange dress. I just wear a casual olive green top , jeans shorts and comfortable white flip flops on my feet.

I ring the bell. I hear steps coming down the stairs, he opens the door… and

I think I'm going to faint. Really. He is shirtless. His black jeans very, very low on his hips. His gorgeous muscles. His arms. His chest. Holy. Shit. Could he be more perfect?

"You know.. they say staring is rude.. but honestly I'm totally okay with it". His voice brings me back. But that doesn't really help. His icy blue eyes. Sparkling. His amazing lips. Smirking. His black hair. Beautiful as midnight. Damn it! I need to focus. I can't look in this face. I can't look at his chest. And I most certainly can not look further down his belly…

"I wasn't staring.. I was just.. I'm kind of sick. I had a cold and sometimes I lose my voice" Right. That was very convincing, Elena.

"Sure. Well than lets get you inside and make you something to drink. I mean it's freezing cold outside. Of course you catched a cold . It's not like it's june and it's burning hot outside…." His voice is dripping with sarcasm. But he's right. My excuse was just ridiculous.

"Very funny. Have you ever though about becoming a comedian?" If he wants to play. I'm game.

"Actually no. Besides.. I spent years perfecting my sarcasm."

"Really? Or maybe you were just scared because you don't have the looks to be on a stage?" I've never told a bigger lie than that before. Hell, if he hasn't the looks no one else has. That's for sure.

He leads me into the kitchen. A pretty big one. Everything is pretty much wooden with a touch of shiny silver. There also a classic touch of vintage. Seems like he's got the style too.

" Your staring outside just proofed the opposite" Yes, it did. Oh man.. it most certainly did.

"Fine. Just think whatever you want. But don't forget that you offered me a drink. And since you know I don't have a cold… How about something that will lighten the mood a bit?" I've never been like this before. I never .. played like that. And I sure as hell don't drink alcohol. Correction. I sure as hell didn't drink alcohol.

"Now I like where this is going. Besides I think the mood is just fine. You were staring at my half naked body. You were blushing. And now you decided to get really drunk. I'm so not complaining." I give him a smile. A pure, honest smile.

* * *

Three hours, two beers and a glass of wine later.

We're both sitting on his king size bed. He passes me a wodka shot. I pour it down my throat. It burns .. but somehow it's the good kind of pain. The pain you feel when you worked really hard on something and then your finger starts bleeding ro something. A pain that is worth it .

"So Damon… tell me why I'm sitting here on your bed when there should be a female match here actually?" Have I seriously just asked him that?

"I just .. never got the perfect match. And since I'm a regulator and working for the labs I have my freedom, practically. This whole match thing is not so serious for me anymore. The labs know who I am because I work for them. They don't need to control me. They don't necessarily need to match me with someone. They need all the work they can get . So I think they decided not to match me. At least not for now." He sounds so sober. I'm just totally drunk. I'm just a mess. My hair is a mess. Probably because we had a pillow fight earlier. Or did I just day dream that? I don't know. And honestly I don't care. I'm just giggling like an insane person. And somehow, **this,** this whole situation is insane.

"And what about you Elena? Have you gotten your matches yet?"

"No. You know there was the incident at my evaluation day and we need to repeat this whole thingy"

"Oh yeah. I forgot. The incident. I was there ,you know. On the observation deck. Looking for injured people. But I only saw one girl. You know … half naked in one of those transparent shirts." My heartbeat immediately increases. My palms get sweaty. I can barely breath. Is he talking about me? Does he know that he is talking about me? Why does he mention it?

"Umm.. yeah the reporters said there were some injured people. I hurt my head somehow.. but nothing serious" I need to avoid the naked-girl-subject. Definitely.

"Thank god. I would hate it if someone like you would have gotten injured badly." He moves a bit closer. Just a few inches. But I can feel the heat radiating from his still half naked body.

"What do you mean with .. someone like me?"

"Someone that beautiful, pure, honest, warm and innocent like you". My mouth drops open. No one – no one in eighten years- has ever said something beautiful like that to me before. It's so beautiful.. it almost hurts. I can't take it.

"Innocent? I'm totally drunk and wasted, sitting next to a half naked stranger. If you call that innocent.. than I don't know whats wrong with you." He laughs. His laugh is like sweet honey. Something you could taste every minute of your life. All over again.

"Maybe. But I bet you looked so innocent in that transparent shirt…" His voice is softer than ever. He reaches out his hand and touches a lock of my hair. I flinch away immediately. This is not happening. I need to get out of here. This is totally wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I clear my throat.

"You'll never know. Goodbye Damon."

"You can't leave now, you're drunk and it's dark outside. I'll walk you home"

"No you won't. You may think I'm innocent but.. I can take care of myself. Goodnight".

I think he touches my arm but I storm out of the house.

I need air. I need space.

* * *

I need to forget him. It's the only way. It's the only right way. Eventhough he obviously is cured… I think he was flirting with me. Or maybe he wasn't. Maybe I'm just really going nuts. A part of me wants to be scared of him. I want to think that I left because I was scared of his the way he acted around me. But I know that's not true. I left because I was scared of myself. Of my reactions.

Then something breaks me out of my thoughts. Heavy steps behind me. I turn around. It's so dark I can barely see anything. But there is a person. A man

"Hello dear… what are you doing out here all by yourself?" He comes closer. I step back.

"I'm just on my way home. Have a nice night" I turn around again, but he grabs me. Really tight. I'm sure I will have bruises in the morning.

"Oh, I will have a nice night. And you, you're coming with me". Somehow, I get to bite into his hand. He pulls away for a second, I try to run away but he grabs me again, slaps my face.

"You don't have any right to walk away. Got it?" And then I see it. Or actually I don't see anything. There is no procedural mark near his ear. He is not cured. I can see the animal in his eyes. He smells like smoke and there are scars in his old face. He is an Invalid.

He pulls me over his shoulder and I kick, I scream and yell and scratch but there is no help. After sometime we're entering a building. My eyes are closed. I don't want to see anything. I don't want to feel anyhing. Otherwise, I won't survive this. Then he drops me to the ground. His footsteps are leaving. He closes a door.

I start sobbing almost instantly. I don't know if it's because of the pain, becaue he hit my face pretty hard. Or maybe it's the shock. Maybe it's regret. Damon walking me home.. doesn't sound so bad anymore. My hands hurt too. He gripped them so tight with his disgusting hands. I was afraid I would get bruises in the morning. Now I'm afraid I won't see the morning sun again. Cause Invalids are monsters. Nothing but cold blooded monsters. I stand up. There is a door infront of me. I pull at the knob. Of course it's locked.

… I'm trapped.

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**Hmm... please tell me what you think. I'm always so insecure... **

**First of all because I'm a german teenager and I know my English isn't that good :D. So I really, really want to apologize if there are a lot of spelling mistakes. Sorry :/**

**I also know my writing isn't that great. I love writing but I think I'm just not born to be a writer ;) **

**And writing Damon... is so, so, so, so, so hard! I guess I totally failed there.. but I did my best :D**

**Your opinions are very important to me :D Thanks for reading and I hope I'll get some rocking reviews as usual ;)**


	6. Dealing with it

**A/N: Wow.. I bet you all hate me by now. And I am so incredibly sorry for just leaving you there.. hanging... The thing is, after 3x22, after Elena chose Stefan.. I was done with TVD and anything that related to TVD. Which also included this story. I have not watched season 4 since then and I'm probably not going to, because I feel like .. tvd just kept disappointing me. But I figured that this story, is not so disappointing. So many people favourited this story and stuff. I love you all. Really. And I felt like this story has a lot of potential and I have so many ideas for it. And I just love writing it really.**

**I hope this chapter turned out good, because I owe you guys. Let's take a look and decide, shall we?**

**I do not own TVD or Delirium.**

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There are those moments where no matter what you do, nothing helps. Nothing is any kind of resolution. Any kind of support. You're just... hopelessly stuck. And they say hope dies last.. But has anyone ever talked about that part where no hope is left?

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My fingers are trembling, my breathing heavy. I would bet I look an absolute mess. My chest and face covered with sweat of fear. Realisation hit me a couple of minutes ago. After the stranger left and I tried to open that door or.. tried to move it in any kind of way..I realised that it'll never work. I'm trapped here with an uncured man who kidnapped me for whatever reason I'm not aware of. But I can't just accept that fact. That's too terrible. This was not supposed to now, not ever. I was supposed to be home right now. Spend the summer with Caroline. And then get cured. Why me? Why is fate always so incredibly cruel? Deep down I may know why.. Deep down I think I know that I somehow deserve this. That this is my fault. It's because I meet him. It's because.. I actually believed that I would turn out all right. Because it just felt so right. _He felt so right. _His entire presence consumed me. And maybe I don't even like him that way. Or maybe I do, I honestly don't know. But I know that for a while I liked what he brought of me. This new, adventurous, carefree side of me. Of course.. only until I was leaved to deal with the consequences. Being here in the middle of nowhere with no one around.

Just as I think that this feeling of being lonely is tearing me completely apart I hear footsteps coming closer. My heartbeat increases and my stomach flips. Should I try to hide or something? I look around frantically as my eyes somehow start to water a little bit. There is no place to hide, absolutely nothing. Only darkness that makes me even more nervous than I already am. I have no weapon. No protection. Nothing. But also nothing to lose, right? It can't get any worse than this. The door slowly opens and for a split second I start to think about trying to run past him but I know it makes no sense. I don't stand a chance. I'm finally to brave myself and turn my head around to see my captivator. And there he is. This old man with no scar. Old clothes and a small beard. He is holding a lamp in his rand right now so I can see his face absolutely clear. For some reason, I was actually hoping to find this .. anger.. or .. this disturbed expression in his eyes again. But this time.. there is nothing. And I don't get it. He isn't cured. He... is supposed to feel right? So the question that automatically pops up in my head is.. What made a man, who obviously resisted the cure, hurt so much that after all he fought for ... he doesn't even want to feel anymore? My mind thinks it knows the answer. It's gotta be the deliria. But then my heart aches as it reminisces what it felt to sit there next to _him_... And it just won't accept it because.. sitting there next to his warm body.. it didn't hurt at all. It was the opposite. He steps in further into the room and our gaze breaks for a few moments as he closes the door again and sits down on the dusty ground to face me again. The lamp is standing now right next to him and it makes both our features stand out in the dark. I push myself a bit further against the well, wanting to be as far away from him as possible.

„ I guess you wanna know why I brought you here?" His voice is so much more calm now. Why? What changed? Is this his plan.. acting nice.. and then.. then hurting me? I try to open my dry mouth to say something but.. I'm tongue tied.

„Well for one.. I'm sorry for how I treated you earlier. But you wouldn't have come here if I just .. asked you to. We both know that. And the reason you're here.. I just wanna talk to you?" I just stare at him. What is happening? Is he apologizing right now? I.. I thought he was a monster.. An animal. Wait.. Am I actually contemplating about forgiving him? I don't know what it is, but suddenly I'm mad. Mad at myself. Mad at Damon. Mad at him. So I do something I haven't done in a very long time.

I snap.

„You wanna talk to me?! That's why you psycho kidnapped me and brought me into this.. rotten cellar while I was thinking I would starve to death in here?! You gave me a freaking heart attack because you wanted to talk to me?! Are you serious?!" I didn't even notice it, but I'm now standing looking down at him. My arms flying around as I let out my anger and frustration. And then.. he does the most unexpected thing ever. He smiles at me. I knit my eybrowes and put my hands to my sides. Great.. now I'm even more confused. He gestures me with his hand to sit down again but I'm still too stunned to move. He chuckles and takes a small breath before he continues talking.

„Wow.. they were right. A lot of emotions bottled up inside your body. Which leads us straight back to talking about all of this..." My body feels week again, my bones tired, my head heavy. I can't follow him anymore. He confuses me. He was supposed to scream at me, not the other way around. Soon my body is trying to relax against the wall again as I wait for him to go on and explain. What he does he mean with „they"? But he doesn't keep up the conversation. I know he is waiting for me to something, anything. To show some kind of interest in whatever this might be about. So I give myself a push and start talking.

„Go ahead.. talk. I'll be listening. ... The first thing I wanna know though is.. what do you mean with „They were right?" Who exactly is they and what were they right about?" I guess my curiosity is finally winning over me.

„Glad you finally asked. With „they" I mean my friends. My.. helpers.. If you want. The ones who are like me" Before I can even stop myself, the words split out of my mouthg.

„You mean the uncureds.. the resistants..." And.. there it is again. The anger in his eyes. No.. it's not anger. Something else. Almost like he is disgusted by the sound of my words.

„ That's what you and all the other people who believe in the cure call us I see..." He trails off at the end.

„Well.. you know.. this is where our argument could start, though. There should be only people who ... want the cure. That is not a question of believing in something. How can you rethink something that will make your life so much better? So muche closer.. to.. perfect?" As I try to explain my side I can't help but feel the words tasting bitter right as they come out of my mouth. This is almost like reliving the situation with Caroline again. Doesn't she feel the same way about the cure as this man does? And I forgave her..

„I hate the p word.. Perfect. Who tells you guys what perfect? And why do you wanna be perfect? Why do you wanna live perfect?... Feel perfect?" He pauses for a short moment. „I'll let you in on a little secret... You'll never feel perfect until you haven't experienced.. _it_" By the way he emphasizes the last word .. I know exactly what he means. The deliria. My mind wander straight back to Damon. How happy I felt just spending this day with him. How all my other memories washed out when he made me laugh. But isn't that the dangerous thing about the deliria ? You feel great and then .. it's eating away at you until you die.

„On the other hand judging by that look on your face. ... You've already experienced a part of it, haven't you?" That turns my attention to him again. My eyes go wide at his words.

„I.. um.. No." No. Just remember, Elena. No. You sould said have no when Damon asked you to text him back. You should have said no when Caroline asked you to watch Titanic. Focus, Elena. Say yes to the cure.. and no to anything deliria related.

„Come on. No one is here, and they already know. I mean, they looked after you. Found out that.. you were different. Found out that .. you went out with him." My emotions are rising again. Boiling up. Making me flustered because .. I know he is right...

„You spyed on me, didn't you? And now what? Now you know that.. I have a weakness? That I went weak for him for a few hours? Now you think you can .. convince me to work with you?" My tone is sharp and cold. I'm angry at him. He's not supposed to be right. Everything turned out so wrong.

„I don't want to convince you. I want to make you realize the truth. And the truth is.. that you like him. That you would rather go back to these moments you had with him than ever get cured." I stay silent. I can't think about his words too much or I'll never forget them. They'll haunt me.

„You don't know me. You don't know what I feel or what I want" My voice is slowly cracking with every second.

„You're right. But you know what you want. You're just too afraid to admit it. Because, if you do.. you'll realise that all those years have been lies. And you'll be afraid because.. it will be something new and yes, it will be scary. You don't wanna accept the fact that you want him. More than anything. More than the cure." I bite my lip and I can feel my eyes get teary. Why do his words pain me so much? Why do they hit me right at the left side of my chest?

„That was my little emotional speech.. Practically.. you can leave now" I don't respond. I can't. He tells me that I could meet him again, to talk about stuff. But I feel like I'm in some kind of trance. His words echoing in my head. Flooding all my memories, all my dreams I ever had. My past, my presence and my future. He leads me out of the cellar, the building. At some point I can feel the fresh night air hitting my skind. I'm outside again. I never thought I'd get there. And I always had in mind that if I would.. I'd be hurt or something. Like .. physically. But what I'm feeling now is even worse. He touches my arm slightly and I think he is saying his goodbyes. And then he's gone. Back in his world. And I'm back in my world. Although.. I'm not sure anymore. After what he told me.. I feel like I'm somewhere inbetween. A dangerous position.

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I don't know how long I stand there. Just staring at the sky. Seeing the few first red and purple colouris of the morning sun appear. A new day. But the worries and the confusion stick with me. What am I supposed to feel? About what.. the cure.. and.. and him. A day ago my life was so much easier. What if his new day gets even worse? What if that man was right? Does this mean my actions were right too? Me meeting him and feeling the way I felt ? Thinking about him all the time. Hearing his voice in my head. God his voice.. Even after everything that has happened .. I feel like his voice is the only thing that could calm me right now.

So I walk down the streets, searching for a telephone booth since Carolines house is too far too walk too right now. I need his voice now. After passing endless empty places, there it finally is. I open the booth and with shaking hands I pull out the few dollars that are left in the pockets of my shorts. I put them in there and while my body starts shaking again I dial his number. The number I know by heart already. I need his voice now. No... I just... I need _him_ now.

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There are those moments where no matter what you do, there is only one thing left that helps you. You force yourself to think that there has to be another resolution. But you realize there is only hope when you choose that one thing for your help. And as the hope starts to grow in you again... You'll find out that.. it's not one thing you need.

It's this one person you need.

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**So.. this was the chapter. Let me know what you think. If you read this, thanks for sticking with me and my story and.. thanks for waiting. And, if you review, I'll be grateful as well.**


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